我在钱包里放了一张老婆的照片,这样我就不会忘了这里面为什么没有钱。
I keep a picture of my wife in the front of my wallet, so I can remember why there's no money in it.. ---moistgusset88
对象问我:“如果有人给你1万刀让你和亲妈做,你会怎么办?”
我说:“挺难办的,但我估计会换辆新车吧。”
My mate asked me, "If you were offered ?10,000 to have sex with your mum, what would you do?"I said, "It's a tricky one but I'd probably buy a new car." ---wally123
给威尔士小年轻们的温馨提示:
电视广告上宣传的以后开车不得高于20,说的是时速,而不是水深。
Note to Welsh teenagers.When the ads came on the telly saying you have to drive under 20 now, that's MPH, not feet of water.. ---niggerfarage
又快要到一年中的那个时候了,老婆喝的酊酩大醉,然后开始一年一度的吹喇叭。
希望今年能轮到我。
Well, it's getting to that time of year when my wife gets drunk and gives her annual blow job.I hope it's me this year!--microwave
昨儿晚上爷爷骂我是个小变态,因为他半夜醒来的时候发现我正在抠他的菊花。
我辩解说房间太黑了,还有我怎么知道他会和我奶奶换边睡了?
My grandad called me a little pervert last night when he woke up in bed and I had my finger up his arse.
In my defence the room was dark, and how was I supposed to know that him and my nan swapped sides? --wally123
我不得不辞去了手表厂的工作。
坐我对面那男的老是挤眉弄眼的。
I had to quit my job at the watch factory.The guy sitting opposite me kept making faces.--microwave
*单位的电话响了*
上司:你为什么不接电话?我:多响一会儿再接。这样他们就会觉得我除了在电话上蛋逼之外还有别的工作忙。
上司:赶紧他妈的接电话!!
我:这里是999,请问您有什么紧急状况呢?
*Phone rings at work*
Boss: Why don't you answer it?
Me: I'll let it ring for a while. That way they'll think I have other stuff to do than talk on the phone.
Boss: ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!!
Me: 999, what's the emergency?
...--microwave
周一一早我刚到公司,上司就对我说:“上周五你没来上班,希望你能找到一个好借口。”
“还真找不到,”我回答说,“所有人都逼着我去参加我老婆的葬礼。”
I went into work on a Monday morning and my boss said to me, "I hope you have a good reason for not coming into work on Friday.""Not really," I replied, "Everyone made me go to the wife's funeral."--hadoken
黑五促销开始了。
以色列停战了。
是巧合吗?
Black Friday sales start.
Israelis pause the war.
Coincidence?--giftcard
今天我学到了两个有趣的事实:在行驶的火车上(朝着行驶的火车)撒尿没你想的那么容易。还有我上了全部霍恩比玩具店的黑名单。
*霍恩比是一家制作售卖精品火车模型的玩具商
I learned two interesting facts today: It's not as easy as you'd think having a pee on a moving train. And my ban covers ALL Hornby shops. -- almalkin
当人们说“一旦你了解他以后,就会觉得他挺好的。”
其实他们的意思是:“他是个傻逼,但你会习惯的。”
When people say "he's alright once you get to know him"
It actually means
"he's a cunt, but you'll get used to it" -- stickyagain
我不是说我家穷啊,但是有好几回,我妈都让我拿着一粒扣子去找隔壁邻居,问她能不能在扣子上缝件衣裳。
I'm not saying we were poor,
but many a time my Mother would send me next door with a button
and ask our neighbour if she would sew a shirt on it.-- cheryll25uk

王摸鱼夏款T恤第二波发布,有粉色和无图速干款
这话在参加工作之后会发现简直是真理
至少AI它能get到笑点。
ChatGPT:
The main part of a watch with numbers 1-12 written on it is called the watch dial or watch face. It is the round or square-shaped area of the watch where the numbers or hour markers, such as 1, 2, 3, ..., 11, 12, are usually printed or engraved. The watch dial allows you to read and tell the time accurately by indicating the hour of the day.