嗯？
今天，老板把花送到我的工位，还有一张全公司手签的慰问卡。卡上写着“很遗憾您的母亲去世了”。我妈活的好好的！我也不知道他们从哪儿听的，我说啥也不信，还说什么“否认是悲伤的一个阶段”。FML
Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died." My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

没逝的
今天，室友跟我说总有一个未知号码大半夜打她电话，把她给吵醒。然后她说得报警查一查这个人是谁，这么没完没了的“骚扰”她。我就是那个未知号码，给她打电话是因为她的呼噜实在太响了。FML
Today, my roommate told me there is some restricted number that keeps calling and waking her up at odd hours of the night. She then says she's getting the police involved to find out who it is because she feels "harassed". I'm the restricted caller calling to wake her up from snoring so loud. FML

可别再来了
今天，我在生活中实在遇不到好男人，所以打算尝试一下新路子，整了个线上相亲交友服务。聊的第一个男人说自己此前因为过度迷恋一个女孩而进过精神病院，然后跟我说晚上梦里见。FML
Today, I decided to try something new and sign up for an online dating service, since I can't meet a decent guy in person. The first guy I talked to told me he used to be in a mental hospital for obsessing over a girl, then told me he would be dreaming of me that night. FML

长路漫漫
今天，我开车带着两只猫从亚利桑那搬家到华盛顿州。刚出发没多久就发现有一只猫晕车了，而另一只则因为紧张老放屁。还有1000多公里才能到地方啊。FML
Today, I'm moving from Arizona to Washington State with my 2 cats in my car. I've only just left and just learned that one cat gets carsick and the other stress farts. Only 956 more miles to go. FML

谢谢啊，真是谢谢了
今天，我的银行账户透支了15刀。我把最后80刀的现金存了进去，然后银行告诉我还有90刀的透支罚金。FML
Today, I was overdrawn $15 at the bank. I paid in my last $80 in cash, only for them to inform me that I've been slapped with $90 in overdraft fees. FML

起床啦
今天，我没锁公寓的门，以便房东找的工人能自己进到厨房施工，这样下夜班的我就可以好好补觉了。大早上7点他们开始敲我卧室的门，让我把床挪一下。FML
Today, I left the apartment door open so the construction workers sent by our landlord could work in the kitchen, while I slept in after working a late shift. They knocked on the bedroom door at 7 a.m., asking me to move the bed. FML

他有喜欢的类型
今天，我发现暗恋快3年的男孩子在学校时和我的话变多了。似乎他在我身边时真的很放松，甚至上课时还会摆弄我的戒指。于是我就想或许我俩真的有可能。并没有。一位共同的朋友告诉我说他喜欢另外一个女孩。那个女孩跟我长得特别像，但是更瘦。FML
Today, I noticed my crush of almost 3 years was talking to me a lot more at school. He seemed genuinely comfortable around me, even playing with my rings during class. I thought maybe I had a chance. Nope. A mutual friend just told me he likes another girl. A girl who coincidentally looks just like me but skinnier. FML

老大哥
今天，一个旧情人说她后悔之前的选择了，想要跟我再试试，于是我欣然答应了。但她也没跟我说她之前的选择是个疯逼。这货不仅跟踪她，还跟踪我，完事儿发信息告诉她我跟谁在一起，以及我在干什么。FML
Today, an old fling said she regretted her previous choice and wanted to try again, so I happily accepted. She failed to tell me that her previous choice was crazy. Not only is he stalking her, but he's also stalking me, and sending her messages about who I'm with and what I'm doing. FML

老生常谈
今天，我下馆子吃饭。在吃的时候发现菜里有根儿金色的头发。于是我就跑到前台投诉他们的食品卫生问题。饭店经理坚称员工里压根儿没有金色长发的人，我才意识到这根儿是我的。FML
Today, I went to a restaurant for lunch. I began to eat when I noticed a blond hair in my food. When that happened, I went up to the counter and began complaining about their hygiene. When the manager insisted no one that works there had long blond hair, I realized that it was my hair. FML

救命！
今天，我走去邮箱的时候摔倒了，怎么也爬不起来。邻居遛着狗看见我在地上挣扎，扔下了一句“现在的孩子都怎么了，大早上9点就喝成这了？”就走了。我起不来是因为髋部的应力性骨折还没恢复好。FML
Today, I was walking to my mailbox when I fell down and couldn't get up. My neighbor walked by with his dog, took one look at me struggling, said, "What is wrong with kids these days, drunk at 9 a.m.?" and continued on. I couldn't get up because I'm still healing from a stress fracture in my hip. FML

真好
今天，我躺在床上，肚子疼得要了命了。男朋友看见我疼的打滚儿，说：“往好了想，要是绦虫的话，你会变苗条的。”FML
Today, I was lying in bed with the worst stomach cramps ever. My boyfriend came, looked at me writhing in pain, and said, "Well at least if it's a tapeworm you'll get skinnier." FML

狂野家族
今天，我接到一个电话，告知说我奶因为要烧死我爷被捕了。她现在在监狱，让我出保释金。FML
Today, I got a phone call letting me know my grandmother was arrested for trying to light my grandpa on fire. She's now in jail, asking for bail money. FML


王摸鱼夏款T恤第二波发布，有粉色和无图速干款