好消息：ED是可以通过节食和健身来治愈的。

坏消息：你得说服你老婆去节食和健身。

The good news about erectile dysfunction is that it can be cured by diet and exercise.

The bad news is trying to get your wife to diet and exercise.--bomber

你知道吗？蓝鲸的魏吉娜巨大无比，足以容纳4到5个人，可即便如此也只能排到世界第二。第一是川普这逼。
Did you know that a Blue whale's vagina is so wide and deep that 4 to 5 people can fit inside? This makes it the world's second biggest cunt after Donald Trump. --jimmysammy

回家路上，我看到路边立着一个指示牌写着：
“警方提示：减速慢行”
太对了，有些穿制服的是不太容易被瞅见。
“警方提示：慢点儿”
太对了，有些穿制服的脑子确实不那么灵光。
I saw a sign beside the road on my way home:

'Police Slow'.

Yup, some of them boys in blue ain't too bright.---niggerfarage

我终于有勇气向所有人告白了。

我是异性恋！
I've finally found the courage to let everyone know.

I'm straight..---chum

我刚刚用吸岑器清理了键盘。
奥棒啊！
I just used the vcuum clener on my keybord.
Brillint!.---stemeister99

谁说白人不能跳的？
昨儿晚上我跟哥们在一个黑人孩子头上跳了几下，到现在他还没醒呢。
jump someone是指袭击某人
Who says white men can't jump?
Me and my skinhead mates jumped some nigger kid last night, and now he's in a coma.--niggerfarage

老婆说她的新妇科医生是个聋子。

“一开始我也不太确定，”她说，“后来我发现他很擅长唇语。”
My wife told me her new gynecologist is deaf.
"I wasn't sure at first," she said, "But it turns out he's brilliant at reading your lips." ---wtd

一名资深科学家提醒，点背的英国人正在被一种可持续6周的“永久流感”所侵扰。

6周？

卧槽！这时间几乎都够我在医院挂上号的了。
Unlucky Brits are being struck down by 'forever flus' that last as long as six weeks, a top boffin has warned.

Six weeks?

Fuck me, that's almost long enough to get a doctor's appointment.---niggerforage

安德鲁王子看着法定年龄问：“怎么没看到5岁的选项？不该啊！”
'It's got to be 5 somewhere, right?' - Prince Andrew on the age of consent---fishncushion

我爸曾经对我说：“品脱、加仑、升”

这话很有分量。
My dad used to say to me “Pints, gallons, litres”

Which speaks volumes --irishstoo

让七年后撞击地球的小行星偏离轨道的计划被废弃，因为经计算撞击点会在利物浦。
Planned attempts to divert an asteroid which will collide with the Earth in about seven years have been abandoned after it was calculated the point of impact would be Liverpool. --kimjongtrump

谁能告诉我Pornhub 2代什么时候出啊？我昨儿晚上已经把这作打穿了。
Can someone tell me when Pornhub 2 is coming out I completed the first one last night? --ericdidage